When it comes to your friends and their boyfriends, maybe honesty isn’t always the best policy, as Liz Frost finds out
As a girl, we all know that however good friends we are with someone, there are times we just have to lie to them to save their feelings. For example the time my friend Rachel asked me to go over and ‘put a word’ in with a cute indie boy standing at the bar, I didn’t tell the truth (“What? The one with the big ears?”). Instead I opted for: “Sorry Rach, he’s got a girlfriend.” Everyone was happy. Or the time when Lianne turned up at my front door sporting a hideously short haircut, instead of laughing in her face and calling her baldi-locks, I politely admired her ‘do’ telling her it made her cheekbones look good. It’s easy when you think about it…
Two weeks ago, Lianne turned up at the bar to meet Rachel and I with Tony, her latest beau, we could tell she was smitten. They were gazing into each other’s eyes and holding hands under the table. The problem was Tony was horrible. He was loud and obnoxious, he was rude to the waitress (and he nicked half of my chips without asking). We both hated him. Instantly.
So when he nipped off “for a slash” and Lianne asked the inevitable “So, what do you think?”, we were faced with a dilemma. Did we tell her we thought he was a rude obnoxious twat who looked like Les Dennis or did we lie and tell her he was the best thing since ceramic straighteners? Looking into her expectant love-blinded eyes we opted for the latter, saying “He’s lovely!” in unison, washing it down with a large gulp of Pinot Grigio. Our approval clearly made her happy, but the lie tasted bitter. I wondered what I would have wanted in that situation.
I remembered back to my old boyfriend, Mark. Everyone said he was sweet and adorable, only to tell me what they really thought when we split up six months later. Eventually I had found out for myself that he was an egotistical racist. In hindsight, I’d much rather have wasted less time and had their opinion earlier. It would have saved me a lot of heartache.
With this in mind, when Lianne and I ventured out to the local pub the following week, I decided to be honest. “It’s not that he’s not nice,” I said to her crushed disappointed face. “He’s just a little um… self-assured.” My words trailed off into the ether along with my friend. She picked up her bag and headed for the exit, leaving me wishing I’d never opened my mouth.
Of course Lianne and Tony split up a week after that and we were the best of friends again. As I lent a friendly shoulder for her to cry on and listened to her tell me how obnoxious and rude he was, I realized although my first impression had been right, her boyfriend’s horrible side was for Lianne to find out for herself. Next time I met a friend’s boyfriend, however horrible, I’d be keeping my mouth firmly shut.
Liz Frost is a freelance writer specialising in features for women's magazines. She writes for Company, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Zest, B and Bliss. Email her at liz_frost@yahoo.co.uk, even if it's just to say hello!
