Aren’t pubs great now there’s no smoking? I mean, they were great before: an array of booze; some well-chosen background music and a packet of steak McCoy’s, what more could you ask for?…But since 1st July the days of waking up after a night on the town smelling like an ashtray with a fag burn in your favourite skirt are over and I, for one won’t miss it.
When it comes to smoking, my friends are split right down the middle. Laura, Suzy and Lianne are smokers; Rachel, Emma and I aren’t. Until recently, a night out at the pub would have us happily sharing a table; the non-smokers sitting across from the smokers, all breathing the same air in a united front. In restaurants, we opted for a smoking table and the three smokers would spark up after we’d finished eating, floating smoke into our faces and lungs. It wasn’t ideal, but to be honest, we didn’t really mind. We didn’t know any different. The smoke was as much a part of our night out as the kebab that rounded it off. The smell that clung to our clothes and our hair was merely the telltale sign of our adventures.
So, for us, the smoking ban presented a dilemma. If it was cold – which it was - Rachel, Emma and I wanted to be inside to sup our wine in the warm. But without their nicotine, the smokers were edgy and distracted. In the spirit of compromise at first, we decided to opt for half an hour inside in the warm and half an hour outside in the cold. When the indoor half hour was up, we all trooped to the door with our drinks, happy in our ability to come up with the perfect compromise, but our plan was thwarted at the first hurdle by a burly man who said.
“You can’t take those outside, Ladies” indicating our glasses.
“Oh” we said, making an about turn. Just inside the door, Suzy - getting desperate - pulled out her lighter and brought it up to light her cigarette, already in place between her lips.
“You can’t smoke that in here” he said apologetically.
With a fag in one hand and a glass of wine in the other, Suzy looked at him blankly. He felt for us, you could tell. So there we were stuck in the no-mans land of pubs. Unable to drink outside nor smoke inside.
After that, we realised we were going to have to split up. We didn’t want to – Suzy always had the best gossip and Laura and Emma wanted to talk about blokes they were seeing - but in the name of social segregation, that was the way it would have to be. The world had been rocked by racism and sexism. Now it was entering a new phase. Smokism.
Later, I realised us non-smokers hadn’t seen Rachel for a while. She wasn’t in the ladies, she wasn’t at the bar, nor was she by the juke box. Then I spied her through the window of the pub with the smokers.
“What are you doing?” I said, watching her lift a cigarette to her lips and take a puff. “All the best blokes are outside” she said, hacking a little as she blew it out. She was right. I shrugged my shoulders, took a cigarette and sparked it up, choking on the harshness of it’s stinky fumes on my virgin lungs. If you can’t beat them join them. But just for the one night… Tomorrow night we’d hatch another plan.
