Are you always saying yes when you mean no? Do you have the disease to please? Life coach Annie Ashdown says saying ‘No’ does not mean you're a bitch
It always amazes me that so many women struggle to say ‘No’. They allow themselves to be manipulated without being aware they have choices. I feel we have allowed ourselves to be dictated to for so long we are unaware of the amount of times we respond with a ‘Yes’.
If we feel compelled to say ‘Yes’ when we mean ‘No’, we are allowing others to control us. We each have the ability, right and responsibility to choose how we think, respond, act and feel. What others think of us is none of our business. However remember we are the only ones who can choose our self-image.
Do you find ‘No’ easy to pronounce, but tricky to say?
Do you feel the need to justify yourself when you say ‘No’?
Do you feel others are more important than you?
Do you ever avoid someone rather than say ‘No’?
Do you feel by saying ‘No’ you will be labelled a 'bitch'?
If this sounds familiar to you, I want to encourage and motivate you in making a commitment to yourself to flex those strength muscles (you have not yet discovered) and practise saying ‘No’.
This means saying ‘No’ to certain foods that no longer work for us, habits that cause us discomfort, invites that are no longer our speed, people that we find toxic, clients that are abusive, in fact anything that takes us away from extreme self care. Take a break, buy some time, say it out loud in front of the mirror at home, do whatever it takes. We do not need to be abrasive, abrupt, aggressive or offensive. Remember self care is not selfish, it is self esteem.
We have choices around everything, if we are unhappy with something we can:
Go into battle
Walk away
Accept the situation and not complain
Say ‘No’
I recommend the last option. Can you honestly tell me we can accept something we are really hacked off about and not complain or even moan a tinsey-wincey bit, and feel no hidden resentment at all? We can of course walk away, but in my experience lessons present themselves over and over again in different forms until we face them. We could choose to enter into a battle and expend our time and energy having a drama.
I have found life to be paradoxical, in that the more we say yes to receive approval, the more we become a person other people do not want to approve of. The less we care about gaining approval, the more we receive. What good are we to our family, our business partner, our boss, our children, our lover, our best friend if we become debilitated from overstretching ourselves and have no energy?
It is imperative to begin the process of getting to know ourselves so we can start to honour and respect ourselves, and set limits. By stating what we want and need, and saying what we mean and meaning what we say, we continually affirm we have these rights. Only then can we start taking full responsibility for how we allow others to treat us.
We are not bitches for saying 'No', we are rejecting the request, not the person.
Annie Ashdown is a life coach and hypnotherapist. Visit www.annieashdown.com or email annie@annieashdown.com
