It creeps up on us all every now and then, the green eyed monster. It’s horrible feeling jealous but life coach Larah Davis shows how we can free ourselves from it once and for all
We all know what it’s like to feel jealous. Something or someone triggers in you that feeling that gets you all unsettled and het up. It can be as simple as someone innocently having something you want – a designer handbag, amazing house or job or it can be more complex when you think someone may be trying to take away the person you love. You end up feeling angry and unhappy.
Jealousy is part of being human, it is a primal, instinctive reaction to protecting what we perceive to be our own. But ultimately it is a very unconstructive emotion, and hugely debilitating. If it turns into a regular behaviour pattern jealousy can be very destructive as it can cause us to react to situations in ways we would never normally do. At its most overwhelming it can cause huge rifts in relationships – not just damaging our relationships with others, but also our self-esteem and our relationship with ourselves.
Whatever we are feeling jealous about the goal is to try and rationalise why and distance ourselves from the emotions associated with it. Building on last week’s technique the best approach is the following.
Make sure you are standing up or sitting down in a space where you can concentrate.
Remember the last time you were feeling jealous.
Draw an imaginary circle around yourself. Notice what the colour of the circle is, (whatever colour you choose is right for you). This will aid you in remembering the experience. Remember what you are seeing, notice what you are hearing around you, notice whether you are saying anything to yourself? Are you hearing any internal dialogue within? What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What else are you noticing about the situation? What are you learning?
Next draw a second imaginary circle around the person or thing that you are jealous of or feeling jealous about. Notice what colour this circle is too. Now, step into this circle – and as you step into this circle imagine you are the other person. Notice what the person in the first circle is saying and now, you can begin noticing what you, as the second person, is feeling? And notice what you are hearing, around you, are you are saying anything to yourself? Are you hearing internal dialogue within? What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What else are you noticing about the situation? What are you learning?
Next draw a third imaginary circle. Notice what colour this circle is. Step into this circle and as you are doing so notice that you are now moving into the third person perspective, as the Objective Observer, where you are emotionally removed from the situation, independent of any views or bias. You are free to observe the communication between the people in Circle 1 and Circle 2. You may notice that you are now taking a detached viewpoint of the situation as a whole. You can begin noticing what they are feeling, notice what you are hearing, around you, notice whether you are experiencing any internal dialogue, what are you thinking? What are you feeling? Where are you feeling it? What else are you noticing about the situation? What are you learning?
Step out of Circle 3 and back into 'you' in Circle 1. Now, gathering all of the learnings, everything you have noticed from seeing the situation through three different sets of eyes, where is most beneficial for you to be when you are experiencing jealousy? Is it Circle 1 where you are 'you' and experiencing all of the emotions? Or Circle 2 where you are the 'other' person? Or Circle 3 where you are the 'objective' observer?
Next time you experience jealousy – to act quickly – simply draw a third person objective observer circle on the floor and step into it. Notice how distanced you immediately become from your emotions and the control it gives you over your actions, your behaviour and the outcome of the interactions where jealousy had previously reared its ugly head.
Follow these steps to learn the process and then put it into practice to change your behaviour and regain that calm, control, self-control and sense of self that you deserve.
Want some extra help with this? Got a few questions? Email life coach Larah@delamaxlifemanagement.co.uk or call her on 07966 287441 Monday–Saturday 9am – 7pm.
